gosh...bad day today...hp gone...yes ah...well done man shidah....such a total failure in life...u can never get to do something rite...u always do wrong things...failure embarrasement loser sucker dumb ass yes all me...get scolding like hell....there's nothing i can do but just sit there and cry...yes i CRIED... life has never been fair... well i can never say that...i must understand them.... i cant stand up for my rights cause i will be seen as rebellious so i just keep my big gap shut...but wat do u know abt my fren...yes i don deny the fact tt i go out...is it everyday...? i can count the number of times i went out just to hang out wit frens...other den that i rot to death at home....get criticised at yelled at bullied and bore myself to death...but y compare me to my frens.... u know they never go out? u know how their lifestyle is? let me tell u now...they go out almost 4 times a week meeting their loved ones frens chill out movie tea whatever shit...some work some don..... and i spent 10 times lesser den dem...they are more materialistic then me.... have i ever ask u to buy me a gucci bag? LV? coach? mango top? roxy? or ask u to buy me a hp tt cost 400 plus? wat else.... did i ever went out w/o tellin u or ur permission? come on....if i were to be like my frens we wld have gone bonkers...... and when did i always keep asking for things...when did i...did i ask for something new everyday? no! once a month...sometimes none..cause i know wats our liiving expenditure like...u have ur problems yes i know... i've been trying to understand... u always said i don understand u and im wasting ur money n shits.... u cant even see the good stuff i did but always dig out my flaws..... when was the last time i heard u praise me...when was the last time u told me tt u love me.... when was the last time u kiss me goodnight... when was the last time we sit down and talk....when was the last time we had a wonderful outing.....when was the time u ask me am i ok? why do i always face the computer...cause u ppl come back from work read papers watch tv and sleep... is tt how really life shld work? i m suffocating down here...wanting ur attention...depressed ...lonely...lost.... moody... i need help...seriously...someone anyone pleas help me.....
i know i shloud not have writen watever tt i had...but tts the only way to make me feel relieved...god knows wat im going through... i live in fear......
